I AM 40 YEARS OLD?

 True story: I am younger than my peers and this makes me uncomfortable.  I stress about the moment of revelation in any new conversation "You're how old!?" I don't like it.  I feel down a peg when people cannot believe I am as young as I am with the number of kids I have.  I worry about the assumptions people make about me knowing I am a young mom.  

With all of that awesome baggage, I look forward to my birthday every year, just to be turning more year older!  

One more year of legitimacy.  

One more year closer to being "old".  

I love it.  

And this year I get to turn 40!  40 is old!  I've been looking forward to turning 40 since I turned 35.  Alas, COVID made it impossible to have a big bash but with my mental baggage about age I didn't think I'd be able to have a big bash because all my friends did that a few years ago...I am still younger than them...I cannot catch up.  So maybe I am glad to be turning 40 in the COVID times.  I'll save the big bash for my 50th birthday.

My sweet family and friends did all the right things to make me feel special and cared for.  I got a nap!  Friends from back east sent me nearly 100 roses and a cake!

I got to wear a pretty skirt and feel fancy all day.

Will and the kids took me over to his offices.  We sometimes slip over there for a change of scenery.  I thought it was just that but when I walked it there was a surprise!  They had set up one of the unused offices as my office!  A space for me to come for peace and quiet since they all have taken over every room of the house.  For my 40th year I enrolled in life coach school.  Yep, I'm becoming a life coach.  Who knows how that will turn out (hopefully, awesome) but I am doing it!  I cried happy tears when I saw the office.  My family is so good to me.  

Lorien made me the most delicious carrot cake ever!  I am going to dream about that cake for ages (and eat it for every meal until it is gone...tomorrow night).

The sky was still weird and smoky...it will never end.  But my birthday was fantastic.  I felt loved and cheered.  Happy 40th birthday to me.  I am old!