This is Halloween...

Bring it on.  It is a "make costumes" year.  But most of the kids are old enough to help make most of their costumes.  Clare and Wyatt made their costumes all by themselves!

Wyatt and Lorien were a fork in the road and a copy cat for a church dance early in the month.  Wyatt decided to stick with a fork in the road.  Which just meant he didn't have those shorts and shirt washed for two weeks.  Sweet...

Pumpkins got carved into Jack-o-lanterns.

Lorien made an awesome Trump-o-lantern that I was happy to watch rot out on our front steps.

Adell's costume was the most involved...Wonder Woman!

Lorien was Coraline for Halloween proper.  She ended up getting sick and coming home early from school.  She dyed her hair...with temporary hair dye (I am back dating these posts.  I am typing this on December 10th and her hair is still pinkish-purple). 

Colter wanted to be the same ninja he was last year...so that was a major win for me!

I watched two kids in the school parade.

And the kids got mountains of candy on Halloween night.  WINNING!

Last year on Halloween we had put an offer in on this house that had been accepted and we were in escrow.  I remember walking close to the house and saying, "Should we go up the hill and make sure our house isn't being egged?"  We did not walk up the hill that year.  This year Will and the kids did the hill a few times.  I stayed home and waited for trick or treaters.  We didn't get that many kids up on the hill.  I think they all do what we did last year...get all the houses on the bottom of the hill and call it good.   There is an awesome house right next to the middle school that goes all out with scary Halloween decorations.  That house is a big draw in the neighborhood and it is at the bottom of the hill.  Not many people want to walk all the way up to our house with its lame decorations after the all out house.  I'm ok with that!

Hard working girls...

Lorien has been booked for a few caricature artist gigs around town.  She does a great job and has a pretty good time doing the work...bonus, she makes money!

Adell helped me and Will clear all the weeds out from behind our fence line.  We are hoping to move the fence back those handful of feet and get a little more back yard.  Adell worked hard all afternoon long. 

As a reward for her hard work we all got cleaned up and went to a fancy restaurant, Esin.  It was a fun Mom-Dad-Adell date!

How did Will and the kids fair...

They were just fine.  Will always comes up with fantastic adventures with the kids when I go out of town.  I never do fun stuff with the kids so it is a real treat to have Daddy in charge.

Will took them on an adventure to find a Native American "cooking sight".  The Native tribes to our area of California used to use these smoothed out stone bowls by the creek to mash acorns.

They also went on a big long hike with their cousins.  It was a nice weekend for everyone!

Getting out of the house...

We did manage to leave the comforts of Christopher's vacation home a few times to view the wider world.  We drove out to Zions National Park and went on a hike there.  We debated doing a slot canyon where we would have to walk in water up to our chest.  We decided against it because it was supposed to be a little warmer later in the weekend.

We saw plenty of beautiful things and had a lot of laughs together.

Camie and Travis found some weird dead bugs (a Jerusalem Cricket and a Tarantula) no one died so we thought we'd try another hike later in the weekend.

Our second outing was to the Kanaraville Falls.  We've hiked this trail once before in the beautiful heat of summer where walking through shin deep water feels wonderful.  This time around, it was a comfortable 70 degrees out side but the water was borderline freezing.  I am not exaggerating here.  The water was SO cold and my feet could not get used to it.  Every time I absolutely HAD to make a water crossing, I tried to run and keep my feet out of the water as much as possible.

It was beautiful and cool...but not worth the cold temperatures on my feet!  The last part of the hike (for me) was climbing up and then down this "ladder".  Really, the "ladder" is a big, smooth log with a bunch of staples stuck into it.  The log is propped up between the falls and the canyon wall with a rope along the canyon wall.  Going up feels unsafe but doable.  Going down is basically psychological torture.  You have to rely on the rope more than the log.  You kind of have to lean back and trust your feet to not slip on the wet staples.  Oh, and you cannot see where you're going. 

It sucks.

I hated it when I did the hike a few summers ago.  The freezing water did not help me out this time.  I started hyperventilating because I was scared.  So I couldn't breathe...then I started crying because I couldn't breathe...then I started crying harder because I couldn't see through my tears. 

I was a mess. 

Moral of the story, stay in the house.

Siblings (most of them)

Ages ago, like in 2008, we had our first ever (and maybe last) full family reunion.  All ten siblings, both of my parents, all of our spouses and children and a variety of step-family met up in Maine for a few days.  

It was glorious.

We've talked about and attempted to pull together another reunion ever since.  So far, no luck.  We managed to see each other in smaller, slap-dash, groups here and there.  But we long for a full reunion...

Almost nine months ago we decided to at least try for a siblings reunion.  With enough notice we all should be able to get together and my oldest brother, Chris, has a vacation home in St. George where we can stay for free!  So we picked a weekend (October 19-22nd) and started planning.  As life unfolded most of us were able to book travel, arrange child care or get time off work to make our way out to Utah.

We met in the desert for family fun.

The youngest three boys were not able to make it out.  Oliver, naturally, is unable to travel on his own.  Ebin and Charlie both had other commitments they couldn't get out of.  We missed all three of them a lot.

The other brothers helped Christopher fix things up around the house.

We made meals together and cleaned up together. 

And we spent a lot of time catching up.  It was really nice and felt good to get so much sibling time together.

I knew it wouldn't last forever...

I mean, I'm not an idiot...but it was still a surprise and a little heartbreaking when I figured out it was happening.  Like, I knew this would all change way back in 2012 right before Colter was born.  I even blogged about it.  And I've been paying attention, watching for this change in just about every interaction since.  

I don't know the exact date...I'm not 100% sure anyway.  I know it hadn't happened last school year, not yet.  So I guess it must have happened over the summer?  I don't think so.  I think it started when 8th grade started, maybe even just a few weeks ago.  Maybe it started when all of his "your mom" jokes started (just at the tail end of 7th grade).  But I think it was after that...stupid "your mom" jokes.  I'll give them some blame anyway.

Wyatt wont say "I love you too" anymore. 

Sit with the heartbreak with me for a minute.

Sad.

I know he still loves me.  I know that.  I just don't get to hear it anymore for a little while (I hope).  It just isn't cool to tell your mom you love her.  Even if you really do.  Even if you said it and your friends gave you a funny look and you could say "What, I do love my mom!  And you love your mom too!  This isn't silly or babyish!"  But young teenage boys don't do that.  They don't want anyone to know they love their moms, even though everyone knows they love their moms.  

Now, when I hang up the phone or drop him off somewhere and say "I love you!" he just says "Mmmm"  Not even a sound of confirmation...just a sound.  

Again, sit with the heartbreak with me for another minute.

Still sad. 

I know it will change back.  He will figure out it is no big deal to tell your mom you love her.  I just hope he doesn't have to go through a phase of hating me first.  I know that can happen too.  

Yikes!

He was very little when he told me he didn't want kisses anymore.  He was three and we lived in Redwood City.  He had his own room and Lorien and Clare shared the other bedroom.  I still remember it vividly.  I tucked him into his bed, which was very low to the ground because he got a cheap IKEA mattress and it was just on a metal bed frame.  He was covered up in an orange (his favorite color) blanket I had made with a sesame street blanket (I had also made) spread on top.  I kissed his cheek and headed out of the room.  As I stood in the door frame, preparing to close him in safe and sound for the night he chirped out "I don't like kisses anymore."  

"What?" was my natural response.

"I don't like kisses anymore.  I don't want anymore kisses."

"Oh, you don't want me to kiss you anymore?"

"Yes."

"Ok," I agreed heartbreaking "I wont give you kisses anymore."

I think I snuck in a few more kisses during the day over the next few days before he told me he didn't want kisses ever.  I tried to clarify, "Oh, I thought you just didn't want good night kisses.  You mean no more kisses ever?"  That is what he meant.  And I kept my word (mostly).  

So here we are again, he didn't ask me to not tell him "I love you" but I am conflicted?  Do I keep saying it so he knows...do I just forget it and wait for him to remember it is OK to say?  What's my move here?

For now, I'm going to be heartbroken about it for a little while longer.  Even though I knew it would happen.  Even though I know it will change back, eventually.  For now, I am sad.  

Nearly 14 years old and can't let anyone know he loves his mom.  I guess I'll just post a few embarrassing pictures for good measure.

I love you Wyatt James.  Moreover, I cannot wait until it is cool (or at least ok) for you to tell me you love me too.  I know you do love me.  I know it.  I just don't get to hear it for a little while.  So I'll try to remember to say it for the both of us.  I love you.

Here's hoping this doesn't infect Colter for 10 or so years yet.  He still lets me give him kisses.  I figured out how to keep that happening.  Now to cling to the I love you with out turning him into Buster Bluth.

Lorien's Amazing Art...

Wowzers, this girl and her art skills!  I am so proud and impressed with her!  She does such great work...and I know I'm her mom and biased and all...but other people say the same thing!  People who aren't as vested as I am.

Just look for yourself!

Every time she finishes a piece I say "Oh, that is my new favorite!" they keep getting better and better!  I don't know how she is going to top the last one.  I cannot wait to get it back and hang it up at home.  A few kind friends have asked to buy her work.  She is so awesome!

I am also a little jealous.  I wish I would work on my art like she does.  I wish I had a fraction of the time she does.  She is a lucky girl and I am a lucky mom to get to watch her work.

While we were in Idaho her AP art teacher was giving her a bit of a hard time.  Nothing terrible, just challenging Lorien's placement in AP art.  Lorien took 3D art her freshman year and did not take an art class last year.  Her teacher thought she would be better suited in another art class where the work wasn't so rigorous.  Lorien was frustrated, she wanted to be in AP art and knew she was capable of doing the work.  Thankfully, Lorien pushed back and insisted she should be in the higher level class.  The teacher consented (she couldn't kick Lorien out, she was just encouraging Lorien to try an easier class) and Lorien stayed in AP art.

Fast forward to right after the painting Lorien did of herself with the split and drips in the middle.  The teacher came to Lorien and told her how glad the teacher was that Lorien insisted she should stay in AP art.  The teacher acknowledged her mistake in judgement early on and how well Lorien has been doing in AP.  Go Lorien!

Homecoming...the dance...

So, the day Lorien bought her ticket to homecoming she got asked to the dance.  First, she had to ask me if I would let her go to the dance with a boy...if he asked her.  She isn't 16 yet and going to the homecoming dance pretty much counts as a date as far as I am concerned.  I had thought about this already.  All of her friends have turned 16 already and she is a junior in high school.  I knew, if she got asked, I would let her go.  If someone had showed up asking her to dinner and a movie three weeks before she turned 16 I would have said no.  You can't really change the date of homecoming.  So, I knew I would let her go...but I had to figure out how to let her know I would bend this rule.

She has always been agreeable to not dating until she was 16...unlike me.  I wont air all of my dirty laundry...but I did sneak out on a few dates before I turned 16.  Trouble.  Anyway, she has been asked out a few times and always said "uh, no, I can't date until I'm 16."  Good girl.  Also, most of her friend get togethers my mother would have considered a date and not let me go.  If boys and girls were getting together to play games or have pizza, that was a group date and I couldn't go (unless I snuck out).  Lorien has a big friend group of boys and girls.  She has already been on a hundred of what my mother would have considered a group date.  So there's that.

Anyway, her friend, Travis, showed up on our door step one night with a bag of chips and cheese that said "I know it's NACHO problem but I'm in a CRUNCH.  Will you CHEESE go to HOCO with me?"  It was really cute (and cheesey)  he asked Lorien to go to the dance and she said yes.  Again, it was really cute (and cheesey).

After one weekend of looking for a good dress, Lorien decided she wanted her dress to be homemade.  No big deal.  I have made a million princess dresses...nope...big deal.  Making dresses is hard!

But we set to work on it.  It turned out really well.  I was quite proud and I got to buy a rolled hem foot that I had always wanted.  I only had to call my super-seamstress-sister, Jennifer, one time for a video conference call on how to fix the skirt and put the zipper in.  I only cried twice and didn't have to go back to buy more fabric. 

Total win.

Moreover, Lorien looked lovely in the dress!  The night of homecoming was also the night of the Primary Presentation Practice.  With three wards meeting in our church building now, we don't have time to practice primary program stuff after church.  So a Saturday practice was called.  It was stressful 30 minutes, picking Adell and Clare up at friends houses and birthday parties, getting the three little kids to the church and meeting Will and Lorien up at the Jackson's house for pictures before the dance. 

BUT we did it all and I didn't have a heart attack. 

Travis was sweet and had a corsage all ready for Lorien.  HE even asked her what he should wear to match her dress.  They decided on blush pink.  Cute stuff, right?

I think they had a good time.  Lorien said it went well.  She did manage to find words for a sensation I had experienced many times but never pinned down.  She said "All of my friends who are Travis's friends have friends in that group they are closer to than I am.  So I always felt like I was just outside the group.  No one was mean or excluded me they would just step closer to talk to each other and I'd be squeezed out of the circle."  I know that feeling well.  You are friends with some people but not best friends.  When their best friends show up you feel a little on the outs.  It wasn't a bad night at all.  She had a great time and spent time with lots of different groups.  I just thought it was interesting to hear that perspective given words.  Clever girl.