Problems, BIG Problems...

I am facing a few challenges in my life right now. I thought I’d share them here—you know; air my dirty laundry and all.

PROBLEM #1: Adell is mobile. Two weeks ago, Adell started crawling all over the place. Every day she crawls faster and farther. If Adell were my first child, I would be ecstatic about this physical milestone. I’d be calling her Grandparents for congratulatory conversations. If Adell were my second child, I would be pretty darn happy. But Adell is my fourth child—and I am all too aware of the problems her new mobility means for ME.

Plus, Adell seems to have an attention disorder. She cannot focus on one thing for more than a millisecond. She will topple a pile of folded laundry reaching for the pretty red shirt on the top of the pile, only to forget all about the red shirt when she notices the white buttons on another shirt as they pass in the tumble. She will haul her diapered tootsie across the living room after a ball has rolled away only to discover a dust bunny that needs oral investigation instead. She is a figure of constant movement and discovery. She searches for new things to taste, feel and look at and her crawling has opened up a world of chaos for me.

PROBLEM #2: Adell has developed a serious addiction to cottage cheese and she won’t eat much else. As soon as she detects the fruit I have sneakily placed in with her dairy-of-the-day she spits the whole mouth-full out. Then she proceeds to blow indignant spit bubbles in order to cleanse her palate. Cottage cheese has a very distinct flavor and it is easy to tell when that curdy goodness has been interrupted by peaches or applesauce.

I told a friend last week that Adell “mainlined” the stuff. I have sense learned that drug reference is incorrect. But let me describe how Adell eats cottage cheese. First of all, as soon as she sees me round the corner holding the tub of cottage cheese she starts pumping her fists and kicking her legs in joy. She nearly quivers with anticipation. It is important to note here, Adell will not eat cottage cheese from a spoon. So I plop down scoops straight on her high chair tray. For a second she will dig her pudgy fingers into her slop picking up one big curd at a time—but only for a second—it takes to long to eat that way. So she places both palms on either side of the cottage cheese plop (to keep it from running away) and lowers her mouth to her tray. Once her mouth reaches the cottage cheese she Hoovers the stuff up with a slurp.

You might be able to imagine what kind of mess resulting after every meal. The child has a cottage cheese beard, her hands and arms are covered and a fair number of curds have fallen off her tray onto her bib, lap and seat. This brings me to

PROBLEM #3: Adell hates to be washed up. As soon as she sees me round the corner with the wash cloth she starts pumping her fists and kicking her legs—except in worried frustration instead of shivering delight. She will wave her arms back and forth like windshield wipers, sending cottage cheese all over me, the floor and the walls. When I wrestle one arm still for washing she hides the other under her tray—like I don’t know where it’s gone. And when I reach for her cheese beard she pushes her head backwards into her high chair in a feeble attempt to dodge the inevitable. I don’t think any of the other kids have so seriously protested washing up.

PROBLEM #4: Lorien wants to read a book about teenage abduction called: Stolen. Need to read that sentence again? How do I explain this? Will read The Hunger Games to Lorien and Wyatt. I honestly believe that reading together is one of the best ways a Father can positively influence his children. And Will is an excellent narrator. He and I used to read books to each other—then it morphed into just him reading to me. When I was in labor with Lorien, he read Lord of the Rings out loud in the delivery room while my attending nurses swooned over him and the story. (He is brilliant—but I digress.) Anyway, I read The Hunger Games first (and loved it) Will asked if I thought it would be a good book for him to read to the kids. I objected slightly but not strongly. So, away they read. All three of them loved the story too. Lorien, “hungry” for more stories like The Hunger Games found this other book on the Scholastic web site recommending it if you enjoyed The Hunger Games. When I read the synopsis, I said: “No freakin’ way.” Of course, this only made her want to read the book even more. I’ve had to answer questions like: “What’s so bad about kidnapping?” and I cannot give her a satisfactory answer. I am afraid I am going to have to tell her about the wide scary world and I really, really, really don’t want to.

PROBLEM #5: Wyatt still wishes he was at Orion for first grade. He misses his old friends…a lot. We ran into a boy from his Kindergarten class at Costco last week. The friend proceeded to tell Wyatt all about first grade at Orion and how all (ALL) of Wyatt’s old friends are in the same class together! It was not good news.

Wyatt has made a new friend at his new school but this boy’s mom is a pediatrician and I am feeling more than a little intimidated about inviting him over for a play date. I can imagine how the “post-play-date” conversation would go at the new friend’s house:

Pediatrician Mom: “What did you have for after school snack?”

Son: “Fruit snacks and microwave popcorn.”

Pediatrician Mom: “Hummmm that doesn’t sound like a full serving of vegetables or a whole grain!”

Son: “We also sat and played video games for two hours and Wyatt’s Mommy threatened to toss his sister out a window—twice.”

Pediatrician Mom: “Should I call Child Protective Services now, or after we finish dinner?”

PROBLEM #6: I turn 30 on Monday. No explanation necessary.

So those are my problems. I lead a messy and difficult existence—right? How do I face the coming dawn each day?