Friday, November 22, 2019

Confession time...

I've been sitting here with a variety of starts to this blog post typed and then deleted for about 45 minutes.  I've taken breaks to check my phone and mindlessly scroll the internet.  I'm not sure what I'm worried about...well that's not true.  I'm worried about being judged for my choices.  I'm not sure why I care, anyone can read this and react any way they want to and I will never know, right?  No one reads blogs anymore and no one posts comments anymore.  I wouldn't know if people were judging me or not, right?  And still, I worry?  

But I want to document why I did this thing.  I really want my daughters to know what my thought process was for this and for them to know the full story.  I have talked with Lorien and Clare about it but the blog is a bit of a journal and years from now, if they wonder what I was thinking, I want the blog to be there to answer if I cannot.  

So here it is.  On November 7th, I got breast augmentation and abdominoplasty--or a boob job and tummy tuck.  

Yep, I did that thing.  

Sometime after Clare was born and nursed, I realized my body was doing a lot to keep people alive and it was taking its toll.  I knew my already meager cup size wasn't going to get any bigger.  I loved my body (and still do) and was thankful for the work it had done to bring people into the world and nourish them.  But I wanted my old rack back.  You ought to be able to choose, if you breastfeed babies and you like the bigger rack when you do, you should get to keep it.  If you don't like it, you should be able to decline the addition with each nursing round.  I know it doesn't work that way, but it should!  

Anyway, at the time of Clare's babyhood, I had a group of girlfriends that met regularly.  The topic of plastic surgery and moral arguments for it came up one girls night.  I was happy to hear from women all across the spectrum for and against plastic surgery.  Ultimately, I decided getting boobs was no different than dieting and exercise to get back to "pre-pregnancy weight".  If it was ok to wish for and do something to get your body back, it was ok to pay a surgeon to get your boobies back.  

Years and two more babies later, it was time!  I had saved up for this, done my research, and made my plans!  I had met with my regular doctor and discussed the pros and cons.  I had surgical consults.  After many long talks with doctors, my husband, and some friends, I decided to also get the tummy tuck too.  I never considered it before and the only reason I decided to do it was my regular doctor and each surgeon I consulted with, pointed out how far apart my ab muscles were (over 2 and 1/2 inches in one place and 2 inches everywhere else). My options according to one where, wait for a hernia to happen at my weakest point and have just that point repaired, or have a tummy tuck and have all of my abs stitched back together.  This was also really the only way to repair my abs giving me core strength to then lift and strengthen my pelvic floor down the road.  This sounded pretty good to me.  I've birthed 5 babies and my bladder can tell the tale.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?  

Before:


Two weeks after:


So it's been a few weeks and here are my takeaways.  I needed help doing everything for the first three days.  By the fourth day, I could get myself up and down from my recliner alone if I had to but help was better.  Recliners are the best for recovering.  Will set up a tv and trays so I didn't have to reach far for entertainment or food.  The pain was so manageable!  I really wasn't in pain (unless I coughed or threw up) it was discomfort more than anything.  I felt achy but not in major pain.  Honestly, it felt like nursing, like my boobies were super full and if I could just nurse a baby it would be fine.  Also, my tummy felt fine, again achy but not painful.  I asked my doctor about it at my one-week checkup and he complimented my health going into the surgery and his care in the process.  I had spent the last year diligently working out and the last two months eating as healthy as I could.  So far, I'm happy I did it.  My jury will really be out for a whole year before I can return to full activity and see how I can fully strengthen my abs and get my core back to full strength.  Time will really tell but so far, so good!    

So...judge me if you must.  I am really happy about it and I feel good too.  



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