Oh Lorien...

If you follow Lorien on Instagram you might have read her post Christmas night.  If you don't the summary is, Lorien came out as Bisexual on her Instagram page. 

Exciting.

This isn't the start of the story.  We've been writing this story for a few years now.  I cannot remember when exactly it started, maybe in the 6th grade when she started attending GSA (Gay Straight Alliance)?  I don't know for sure.  I know it has been years of conversations with her.  Conversations about thinking kissing boys is gross because you're a little kid, and maybe you like girls more than boys but probably you're just a little kid who isn't supposed to like kissing anyone.  Conversations about having an online presence and the things you say to the internet you might as well be saying to the world with a megaphone.  Conversations about the over-sexualization of women and what that means for girls becoming women in the world.  Conversations about cutting.  Conversations about girls asking you out in front of all of your friends because you told the internet you were pansexual.  

Conversations

Conversations

Conversations

So on Christmas day last year (2017) when we had found texts between Lorien and another friend talking about varied sexuality, we assumed we were going to have another conversation.  We assumed the conversation would end the same way all of the other conversations ended...something like: "That makes sense, I'm totally into boys."  So we took Lorien to McDonald's (the only place open on Christmas night) and got some fries and Diet Coke.  Her telling is from her perspective and you can ask her about it.  I think it boils down to we didn't do it right.  

I know we didn't do it right.  I know because I don't think there is a right way.  Everyway is probably the wrong way.  I know we did our best.  Poor Lorien remains our oldest child.  She gets our parenting at its least refined.  We learn all of our lessons and test out all of our theories on her first.  We make a lot of mistakes.  

A LOT.

We made mistakes on this Christmas night 2017 and we will keep on making mistakes of all kinds.  But we love our Lorien.  We do, we do, we do.  

Lorien's post had me down for the better part of three days.  Just like her coming out had me down for the better part of three weeks last year.  Today while I was rinsing and stacking the dishes, I subconsciously stacked the small bowls in rainbow order.  As I picked up the stack to load into the dishwasher I paused thinking: there is something really beautiful at this stack of bowls.  As I loaded them into the washer I saw the beauty in the rainbow order.  It was pretty.  I can't quite articulate why but it made me feel better.