So...a needle pulling thread...

I know some amazing seamstresses. I am not one of those amazing seamstresses...I can't be called a mediocre seamstress--or even a seamstress at all. I have two skills in the sewing department: 1) I know how to push the pedal on my sewing machine like I am driving a Lamborghini down the autobahn. And 2) I can read a pattern like a first grader can read the encyclopedia. My Mom knew how to sew. She bought fabric all the time but most of those lovely rectangles of cloth stayed rectangles of cloth--forever. My oldest sister, Jennifer, is the Mistress Of All Seamstresses. She knows how to re-uphostler furniture making her OWN patterns. She can whip up a formal gown in an afternoon. She knows what crinoline is... I watched my sister sew, I thought I learned a handy skill. When I would go to her house (so she could sew me a semi-formal dress for the Winter Carnival in High School) I would "help" her sew. We would always start by meticulously cleaning her huge table. We even pulled up the ginormous pane of glass covering her table to windex the back side. Nothing is more discouraging than getting kid-crud on the lovely "dry clean only" material I always chose for dresses. Spreading the fabric on a now sparkling table, she taught me how to lay butter knives over the pattern to hold them in place making sure you had enough fabric for all of your pieces. She explained what "on the bias" meant and what the triangles on patterns were for. Carefully she would pin the pattern to the fabric placing a pins about an inch apart. With even more care she would cut the cloth and slowly but surely piece each part together creating a gorgeous gown--custom sized to fit my body.

With a teacher like that you'd expect some wonderful things to come flying off my sewing machine. Sadly, I am an extremely impatient person. I clean off my table before every sewing project--but my table is only a few feet wide so I cannot fit fabric on it for cutting. So, where do I cut the fabric? On my grubby kitchen floor--of course! Shooing Cheerios's and goldfish out of my way I flop the fabric down and pull a few butter knives out of my kitchen drawer. The knives sit beside me while I randomly place pattern piece after piece onto the fabric. With the minimal amount of pins I attempt to secure the fabric to the pattern and cut the pieces out. By this point in my narrative most seasoned sewers are screaming at me through the computer screen. But it gets worse...if the project I have selected requires lining I just fold the lining fabric up with the outer fabric and cut once. When I flip my machine on to sew I'll pin the parts together for the first three steps--then my patience wears out and I hold the rest of the fabric together with my fingers while I sew each swath in place. Sad, but true. By the time I reach direction number 10 I am not even following the pattern any more. I just put stuff together where I think it should go. The results are not pretty.

If this is the pathetic tale of my sewing skills why am I up at 11:00 at night sewing Halloween costumes for my daughters? Why didn't I just go to the store and buy something ready made off a rack? Despite what you might first think, it is cheaper to buy a costume at Target, Toy's R Us or Mervin's than to sew one from fabric bought at Joannes. WHY, OH WHY, am I up way past my bedtime, suggesting my sewing machine's parents were not married and mumbling other curses under my breath as I go? Why??? Because I took Lorien to the fabric store for a Mommy-daughter date after school. Because before I left for Maine, I promised to make her an AWESOME Halloween costume. Because I haven't seen my kids in a week and I want to make something they will love. And because while in Maine, my talented sisters made their kids costumes...I couldn't be out done for crying out loud! Wish me luck and next October, email me a link to this post with a little reminder: "Buying costumes is cheaper than sewing them."