Blue Christmas...

I broke my bat on Johnny's head

Somebody snitched on me

I hid a frog in sister's bed

Somebody snitched on me

I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug

I made Tommy eat a bug

Bought some gum with a penny slug

Somebody snitched on me

OH I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I put a tack on teacher's chair

Somebody snitched on me

I tied a knot in Susie's hair

Somebody snitched on me

Next year, I'll be going straight 

Next year, I'll be good, just wait

I'd start now but it's too late

Somebody snitched on me

OH I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

So you better be good, whatever you do

'Cause if you're bad I'm warnin' you

You'll get nuttin' for Christmas

Sometime in my earliest youth, between 4 and 6 years old, I sang that song with my family as part of a talent show at church.  (I do not have a picture of me at this age...so enjoy a drawing I did at some other point in my childhood.)  Maybe it wasn't a talent show for sure but some kind of holiday entertainment?  Each of us kids had a line to sing and mine was "I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug" and we all sang the chorus.  I sang the song to myself all the time after that...well as much of the song as I could remember which was my line, the chorus and the line about buying gum with a penny slug because that sounded like a brilliant idea to me.  As a little kid there wasn't a thing on God's green Earth I loved more than bubble gum.  It is, in fact, the only thing I have ever shoplifted in my life.  I tucked a piece of Bazooka Joe bubble gum into the front of my shirt at the check out line at Goodwins market.  The cashier promptly caught me and made me put it back upon threat of calling the police.  Nice.  Scared shoplifting right out of me.  I think I was seven.  So, just a year or two after singing this song...obviously the message stuck.  Anyway!  My family sang this song as part of a church holiday party and I've been signing the song in my head ever since.  That was the point here.

This Christmas I've been feeling nuttin' but bad all season long.  I feel like a sh*t mom for sending my big boy to live with his grandmother.  I feel like a Scrooge for not sending holiday cards because our family is "broken".  I feel ungrateful for all the little Christmas miracles I see around me because I am so focused on the crap going on at home and in the world.  I am telling you, it is some kind of awesome to be around me this Christmas.

Somehow, I rallied a little bit on Christmas Eve.  Clare and Adell spent the day in the kitchen with me preparing our Christmas Eve feast.  They made rolls and desserts for me, helped with the mashed potatoes (the frozen, pre-made kind from Trader Joes), set the table, cleaned up, all with a cheerful attitude.  It made my Christmas Eve.  

We got word that Wyatt spent the day sledding with his cousins.  I am glad he has some variety of company and a full house for Christmas.  My sister-in-law and her family (husband and EIGHT kids) are visiting my Mother-in-law for Christmas.  Wyatt will have lots of game playing company.

We had a beautiful, little Christmas Eve feast.  I tried out a new tradition of a bouche noel/Yule log cake/kings cake (pick a tradition, that's the one I did).  I made a Swiss roll cake and tucked a little plastic baby in one piece (representing baby Jesus).  Whoever got the baby, got twenty bucks.  

Clare found the baby Jesus and did not choke on it.  Winning!

I went to bed still feeling sad.  Sad that our family would be apart tomorrow morning and thinking there wasn't a "good" reason for our family being apart this year.  

Christmas morning was lovely.  As usual, the kids got some fun things and some practical things.  One super fun gift came from Grandma Judy in the form of dollar bills stuck inside a roll of toilet paper (practical and so fun!).

Will pulled of a major surprise for the whole family, a trip to Mexico he had planned for Christmas break but had to postpone until February because of his surgery.  The kids were screaming with excitement.  Except for Wyatt, I don't know how he reacted but he will be going with us to Mexico.  Hopefully, COVID 19 will chill out enough by February and we can actually go.  Also, hopefully, all of the kid's passports will show up.  We put in applications right before the second wave of shut downs happened in California.  Who knows if anyone is even at the passport offices these days?

We got word again that Wyatt had a lovely Christmas morning at Grandma's house too.  Again, he had a full house of company, got some of the things he wanted and some of the things he needed.  

Christmas done.

If you are wondering, I still feel nuttin' but bad.  I can feel some pesky tendrils of depression wafting up to try and snatch me.  I wish I was ending this super positive post on a super positive note but I don't want to be dishonest.  It's a crummy time for me, emotionally, right this second.  Merry Christmas?  

Third time's a charm?

 

There is nothing charming about this third, nothing at all.  Will had his third shoulder surgery today.  Back in August of 2014 (after injuring his shoulder in June) Will had a shoulder surgery on his right shoulder.  (Ask me to say "shoulder surgery" with my braces on right now.  It is a challenging set of words in the best circumstances...it is a full on disaster right now.)  Way back in 2014 the surgeon placed several anchors in Will's shoulder and repaired a torn rotator cuff.  

Both of Will's shoulders have been giving him grief for a year now.  In October of 2019 when he was wrestling worlds his left shoulder got pulled on really badly.  They had to stop the match for a second because they thought Will was seriously injured.  He likely did do some damage but he wanted to keep wrestling so he soldiered on.  Then he ripped the right shoulder out of its socket just this past July while wakeboarding at the lake.  When we got home his doctor decided it was more pressing to repair the left shoulder that had been injured at worlds.  That repair ended up being easy, more of a clean up than a repair and Will was back to his regular workouts soon.  Well...in November he was wresting with some high school kids and he pulled his right shoulder out of its socket...again.  Worse than the original injury he had to wait in the ER for almost four hours before they had bed space to give him pain killers and get the shoulder back into place.  Apparently, it popped out a couple of times and they had to replace it again.  Gross.  Poor guy.  

Mercifully, Will got scheduled for surgery today to finally re-repair all of the damage on his right shoulder.  So, that is the third shoulder surgery for this guy!  When the surgeon went in this time, there was extensive damage, including a bicep tendon tear, a capsule tear, and damage all over the place.  Will will have a much longer recovery this time.  He is in a world of hurt.  

Thankfully, we have good friends who have brought meals, given Will blessings, and generally looked out for us.  We are thankful for rest and pain medication now!

A snowy visit with Wyatt...

Will and I flew into Salt Lake City and in a mid sized rental car made our way up to Preston, Idaho to visit Wyatt.  Did I mention we made the drive in the middle of a snow storm?  Good thing Will remembers how to drive in snow...I would have driven us off the road early and often.  We made it up to Preston with an hour before Wyatt was home from school.  

 

Will and I indulged ourselves and spent some time shoveling the driveway.  I'm pretty sure it is has been nearly twenty years since I shoveled a significant amount of snow.  My muscles were sore the next day.  We both enjoyed the "workout" but don't have a desire to make it a regular part of our lives.

Wyatt came around the corner to see us shoveling just as a car fishtailed past us.  Wyatt looked happy to see us...or he was smiling at our near brush with death?  Hard to say.  He did give both of us a big hug.

The next day Wyatt gave us a tour of his high school.  This is the actual high school and town where the movie Napoleon Dynamite was filmed.  Wyatt showed us some of his classrooms and told us how classes are going.  He really is doing so much better with in person school.  He is one of the struggling many who does not fair well with the lack of socialization in the remote model.  We are so thankful there are some places where in person learning is happening and we are able to send Wyatt there.  We are lucky, I know.  

It was so good to see Wyatt smile and hear him describe his comings and goings right now.  He hasn't made any friends he can hang out with after school yet but he is optimistic.  People are so friendly and helpful.  He is enjoying playing games every night with my mother-in-law and her husband.  Wyatt is going to stay in Preston for the rest of the school year.  Hopefully, he will make some good friends and continue to enjoy school.  We dropped him off at his cousin's house in Utah for a few days of cousin time. He is certainly having a lot of different opportunities in Idaho than he does in California.

All of our fun smashed into one day...

Normally we like to spread our holiday cheer/stress out over a few weeks.  This year, California announced they were going back into shelter in place mode starting Sunday the 6th at midnight.  So...we crammed three weeks worth of Christmasing into one day before the shut down.  

As parents scrambled to figure this all out, I got over 40 texts in one night from various frazzled and annoyed moms.  Will got zero texts or emails from dads by the way.  We scheduled practices and events for our kids and families before the shut down.  

Saturday we had a service project (check) watched Adell preform in her Merry Little Christmas Show (check) and went to the ward party where Colter, Adell, and Clare preformed (check).  Now we can sit back and relax for the next three weeks, right?

Clare's young women dance number 

Colter's activity days boys dance number

Adell's activity day girls dance number

The merriest little dancer in sparkles

Thanksgiving Weekend...

Because I enjoy disappointing my family as frequently as possible I put my foot down and said we weren't going to travel for Thanksgiving.  True story, we almost never travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  We love being at home and we hate the hassle/crowds/annoyance of traveling over the holidays.  Mid Pandemic, Charity offered to host Thanksgiving this year so we could have a little meet up with Will's father and siblings.  We agreed to attend and bought plane tickets to avoid the nightmare drive down California and across the southern dessert to Saint George, Utah.  As the holiday approached, COVID 19 cases started climbing in Utah.  I decided it was not worth the risk in going to see family with cases so high, especially when we had seen all of these loved family members at the lake in July, for visits in August, and for fun in October.  I said I wouldn't go.  Am I a brat?  Possibly.  I determined, even if Will said "Instead of seeing my family, how about we fly to Maine and see yours."  I still would have thought it wasn't safe and declined.  Brat, possibly.  Prudent, totally.

With my temper tantrum behind him, Will decided it would be best if we all stayed home.  I said he could go without me but he didn't want to break up the family over Thanksgiving.  We invited Alan and his family over for dinner since they too were not going to travel to Saint George for Thanksgiving.  

We shopped and planned, prepped and cooked.  We pulled together a delicious feast.  Alan and Heather took a turn brining the bird.  We split up the sides and sat down to eat.  IT WAS SOOOO YUMMY!

 

We Americaned it up and ate until we thought we might explode.  It was amazing.  As is our custom, the Saturday after Thanksgiving we picked out our Christmas tree and got it up and decorated.  Welcome to the Anderson home Christmas.  We are excited to see you.

Not to be out done for disappointing family members, Wyatt decided to get back on the drugs and alcohol train in the last month.  He hopped on the marijuana train over the summer with his friends.  We tried to put a stop to that but he just switched tracks to alcohol.  We tried to stop that too but he and his friends decided it was too much fun.  We decided he couldn't do drugs and live at our house.  So we sent him to rural Idaho to live with Grandma Judy this weekend.  It was awesome?  He ran away from home for a minute.  2020 has been a hard one guys.  I've cried a lot.  I'll probably cry some more before 2021 shows up.  I won't regale you with all the sad stories I tell myself about my mistakes and screw ups.  Suffice it to say, I keep on keeping on and disappointment is part of the deal for all of us.  Sometimes I am the giver of the disappointment, sometimes I am the receiver.  Lorien also hopped up on the drug train for a little bit in 2020.  She says she is off it right now.  I won't go into that garbage right now guys.  Those confessions are enough for today...or for the year.  

Peace out.  

Eleven year old!

Adell it's your birthday!

Happy Birthday Adell!

Ahhh-dell!  You are eleven years old today.  You have been looking forward to your birthday (like every kid does).  This year we were going to be in Utah for your birthday (again) so we planned to celebrate the weekend before.  Once mom threw a fit and said she wouldn't go to Utah because of COVID 19 we decided to stay home and you had to wait until your actual birthday to celebrate.  Alas, it was totally worth the wait.  

Here are some things I want to remember about newly 11 year old Adell.  She is so artistic.  She loves crafts and crafting and loves it the most when she can wrangle a sibling, parent or friend into crafting with her.  She makes special craft decorations for every holiday.  She is getting better and better at drawing!  She is careful with her work and always wants things to turn out perfectly.  She likes to bake and eat yummy treats.  She likes family activities and always wants the whole family to participate in her schemes.  Remote learning is going really well for Adell.  She loves her teacher, Mrs. Eplin.  She likes Mrs. Eplin's laid back/supportive style.  Adell still has some anxiety around time and there being a "right" choice.  The most tortuous thing you can do to Adell is offer her two very good things but tell her she has to pick only one.  She will agonize for hours over which one to choose and what she will miss out if she chooses one or the other.  It's a rough life.  Adell still has to share a room with Clare.  It is not fair.  Adell is an excellent friend to many but her best friends are Maggie, Julia, and Aviva.  Adell still loves to swim and is looking forward to wrestling being allowed again.  She loves guided draws on art hub.  She loves roller blading and bike riding.  She also likes telling her younger brother what to do.  Adell is still the only girl in her primary class but since they don't meet in person...she's cool with it.  Adell will move into Young Womens in January and that is exciting!  We love, love, love Adell and are so happy to have her eleven year old self as part of our family.

This moment in time Wyatt...

Oh Wyatt.  How will you look back on these years?  What will you think of yourself, of your parents, of the world when you look back on 2020 and the weirdness that happened?  You've had a lot of weirdness forced on you: COVID 19, distance learning for your Junior year of high school, friends and family moving away, no sports or social activities...a lot of weirdness.  You've also picked some weirdness to take on this year: you know what I'm talking about.  

However, I think you are learning and growing every day. I think somedays you give into the weirdness and comfort yourself with video games.  Other days, you push against the weirdness and make plans with friends or clean your room.  You are smart and so funny.  I know you are going to keep rolling with the weirdness.  I hope you will look back on this time with kindness and grace for yourself and the world.  

Happy 17th birthday my biggest boy.  

 Forced labor with your father to dig out a post hole for a zip line.

Forced Halloween levity for you and your friends.

Cake, ice cream, and presents with the family.

Another birthday forced to share with your favorite big sister, Lorien.

Agency in birthday dinner!  Ramen.

This moment in time Lorien...

The world is your oyster.  I don't know what this saying means.  I know it is supposed to indicate that you can have whatever you want in the world.  But I am not sure how that makes the world and oyster.  I guess maybe we are all grains of sand and we have the opportunity to irritate the heck out of the world in hopes of being turned into a pearl?  Is that it?  I don't know?  Somebody explain this one to me.

On to Lorien.  Is the world her oyster right now?  I think maybe she is the oyster and the world is the grain of sand right now.  She seems to have been loaded up with opportunities to be irritated to no end.  School has been moved online.  None of her classes have an interactive element.  They are all very boring.  She decided to stay at home for the online school year.  Her social engagements are strictly confined to screens: phone, tablet, laptop.  She spends all day and night in her little cave bed (the bottom bunk of a bunk bed shared with Colter) with her makeshift curtains drawn.  She sleeps a lot...I mean A LOT!  It is hard to find the motivation to get out there.  She does not want her parent's help.  She is hanging onto whatever independence she might still have by insisting we not talk to her about her future or possibilities.  The world is very sandy right now and Lorien is a very tender oyster.  

I'm trying to see that as a good thing?  In her tenderness she will have abundance and create more pearls than she can count because the world is so freaking annoying right now?  I do have so much faith in her as a human being.  I have seen her grow through challenging times over and over again.  Last school year was a doozie.  I didn't know how hard it was for her until we brought her home.  But she grew through the hardness.  She is so much wiser and mature now.  She sees teenage angst in a different light, I can tell you that much for sure.  

I am hopeful.  I hope for all of her dreams and all of mine for her.  I know she will do good things.  The world is her oyster...or she is an oyster for the world?  What did I land on for that?  Never mind.  Happy 19th birthday my Lorien dear.  

Stevie Nicks for Halloween.

Yearly pho at Pho Saigon for her birthday dinner.

Cake and presents at home with her wicked cool family.

Another birthday shared with her favorite sibling named Wyatt.

The time of our life...

What a wonderful gift this week has been!  We escaped the awful smoky air we've been breathing at home since August.  We got to stay in a big, beautiful, clean home with all the comfort amenities.  The kids swam every day.  The kids also all got their own rooms (a luxury they do not have at home)!  We ate lots of yummy food.  We all "went" to school with our laptops and Wifi.  Best of all, we got to see our family and feel loved by them.  Thank you, thank you Uncle Chris for the gift of this week in your house.  

Will is still on his wrestling trip.  I get to drive all five kids back home by myself.  Actually, I have two teen age drivers and they can help.  We stopped at 7 Magic Mountains just outside Las Vegas for fun.  Totally worth it!

I did let Wyatt and Lorien drive the last four hours home.  It was awful.  I hate being a passenger when teens are driving.  We made it home safely...I just have more gray hairs.  No big deal.