Thankful...

After three months apart, we got our Lorien Cara back home this week for Thanksgiving.  The kids have been so excited and counting down the days until her return.  We are all so happy she is here!  She is pretty happy too...but not happy about the cooler temperatures up here.  

In her absence, Clare took the time to grow taller than Lorien.  Impossible but true.

Wyatt didn't get to have his birthday dinner out to eat because I was recovering from surgery.  So once Lorien was here we took Wyatt out to Burma Burma for his birthday dinner.

After dinner, we hit up Will's empty office for shinanigans: office chair races, nerf gun wars, ice cream sundaes, and flying paper airplanes off the balcony. 

Thanksgiving morning I made everyone go on a walk with me.  No one liked it...except me.  Winning!

Thanksgiving dinner was a smashing success.  Everyone helped make the meal and everyone enjoyed eating the meal.  I love holidays at home with my people. 

Wyatt wanted to try out some Black Friday shopping.  So I took him and three friends to Target to see what all the hubbub was about. 

We ate leftovers for every meal for the rest of the week.

Since Lorien was home over the weekend, we also made a trip to the tree lot to pick our tree.  It was raining and the lot was closed Saturday night so we had to go back Sunday.  We picked a good one that only leans a little bit at the top.

It has been wonderful having Lorien home for the week.  She goes back home for two weeks to finish the semester then is back for Christmas. 

*edit update.  Lorien got a barf bug the night before she was supposed to fly back to Santa Monica.  She got to stay home with us for two more days.  She and I went to a favorite things party where she got to laugh with old ladies and pick up some great skin cream.  She also got to help me shop and run errands for a day.  It really was a treat to have her home for a week. 

Double digits!

Our Adell Becci is TEN YEARS OLD TODAY!  She's been on this Earth making our lives better for a whole decade.  We sure feel like a lucky family to have this cutie pie as our fourth child.  Happy Birthday, Adell!

The Garden Song...

When we lived in Redwood City we went to the library all the time.  Redwood City had the most charming downtown library with the very best children's section.  We loved that place!  Getting there, picking books, and checking out was an ordeal with three little kids.  I had to create a turn system for everything: who got to put the change into the machine to pay for our parking and who got to collect the ticket.  Who got to check out books first and who got to pull the receipt out of the checkout kiosk.  Everything had to be ordered and turned.  It was crazy.  Everything about being a parent felt crazy to me at the time. 

Every time we went to the library we picked out books and lots of music CDs.  We learned silly songs from different children's music bands.  We heard instrumental versions of rock songs.  We quickly found our favorites and would be repeat patrons for those items: Dan Zane, Tom Chapin, Laurie Berkner, Rock a Bye Baby Cold Play, and others.  Somewhere, I found the Garden Song.  I loved and hated that song!  The words cut right to my worried mother's heart.  "Inch by inch, row by row, please bless these seeds I sow, "  I thought of my little babies, my kids, that for some reason I had been left in charge of rasing.  (Where was the review process for that decision?!)  I thought of the world and how scary it could be.  I just wanted my kids to be safe and happy and the idea that I was the adult (with Will) who was responsible for keeping them safe and happy didn't seem possible. 

Truth be told, I often felt more like my kid's babysitter than their mother.  Do all mothers who were babysitters as teenagers feel this way?  I don't know.  Feelings aside, I was (and am) their mother and they had to make do with the parenting they got from me.  I made lots of mistakes and as my kids get older I remember the old mistakes and my kids reveal the mistakes I didn't even know I was making.  It is awesome.  But my kids still managed to grow: inch by inch.  And truely, for the most part, they are OK and I am OK.  Someday, I hope we will all look back and feel good about the process but I think the jury is going to be out for a while.  There is still a whole lot of growing to go for all of the kids and a whole lot of mistakes I get to make as a parent.  Sigh!

Last week, Clare reminded me of the Garden Song.  We found it on iTunes and enjoyed several listens.  All those feelings of scary wonder at parenting came flooding back to my mind.  I still feel like a fraud as a parent.  I don't think I'm doing anything right.  But my kids keep growing...so I love and hate those words all over again.  Someone is blessing these seeds to grow despite my worst efforts.  My kids are lucky and so am I. 

 Inch by inch, row by row

Gonna make this garden grow

All it takes is a rake and a hoe

And a piece of fertile ground

Inch by inch, row by row

Someone bless these seeds I sow

Someone warm them from below

Till the rain comes tumbling down

Pulling weeds and picking stones

Man is made of dreams and bones

Feel the need to grow my own

Cause the time is close at hand

Painful rain, sun and rain

Find my way in nature's chain

Tune my body and my brain

To the music from the land

Plant your rows straight and long

Temper them with prayer and song

Mother Earth will make you strong

If you give her love and care

Good luck babies.  We all need it!

It's been a while...Go Stanford!

We got to go back to our roots for a Stanford football game.  It was the big game: Cal Berkeley vs. Stanford.  The weather was perfect and we had a great time cheering for our team.  We led the whole game until Cal scored a touch down in the last two minutes.  Boo!  Cal won the ax (after 9 years...).

After the game, we drove up to Redwood City to hit up Will's favorite taco spot. 

And since we were already in our old home town we drove through our old neighborhood and stopped to say hi to our old neighbors.  I love seeing our old neighbors, Donna and Chris.  They were such lovely neighbors and they are always so kind when we stop by.  Colter wanted to check out their house and Donna gave him the grand tour.  Donna and Chris's sons are very talented.  Colter got to see all of their old art and engineering creations.  It was so fun!  However, Ethan (their second son) went to Cal Berkely.  When Colter saw Ethan's room with a Cal logo he gasped and said: "Does that say Cal?  But they are the bad guys!"  He was a little disturbed.  Rivalries aside, we had a lovely little visit.  I'm so glad we got to be their neighbors for 4 years in darling Redwood City.

Confession time...

I've been sitting here with a variety of starts to this blog post typed and then deleted for about 45 minutes.  I've taken breaks to check my phone and mindlessly scroll the internet.  I'm not sure what I'm worried about...well that's not true.  I'm worried about being judged for my choices.  I'm not sure why I care, anyone can read this and react any way they want to and I will never know, right?  No one reads blogs anymore and no one posts comments anymore.  I wouldn't know if people were judging me or not, right?  And still, I worry?  

But I want to document why I did this thing.  I really want my daughters to know what my thought process was for this and for them to know the full story.  I have talked with Lorien and Clare about it but the blog is a bit of a journal and years from now, if they wonder what I was thinking, I want the blog to be there to answer if I cannot.  

So here it is.  On November 7th, I got breast augmentation and abdominoplasty--or a boob job and tummy tuck.  

Yep, I did that thing.  

Sometime after Clare was born and nursed, I realized my body was doing a lot to keep people alive and it was taking its toll.  I knew my already meager cup size wasn't going to get any bigger.  I loved my body (and still do) and was thankful for the work it had done to bring people into the world and nourish them.  But I wanted my old rack back.  You ought to be able to choose, if you breastfeed babies and you like the bigger rack when you do, you should get to keep it.  If you don't like it, you should be able to decline the addition with each nursing round.  I know it doesn't work that way, but it should!  

Anyway, at the time of Clare's babyhood, I had a group of girlfriends that met regularly.  The topic of plastic surgery and moral arguments for it came up one girls night.  I was happy to hear from women all across the spectrum for and against plastic surgery.  Ultimately, I decided getting boobs was no different than dieting and exercise to get back to "pre-pregnancy weight".  If it was ok to wish for and do something to get your body back, it was ok to pay a surgeon to get your boobies back.  

Years and two more babies later, it was time!  I had saved up for this, done my research, and made my plans!  I had met with my regular doctor and discussed the pros and cons.  I had surgical consults.  After many long talks with doctors, my husband, and some friends, I decided to also get the tummy tuck too.  I never considered it before and the only reason I decided to do it was my regular doctor and each surgeon I consulted with, pointed out how far apart my ab muscles were (over 2 and 1/2 inches in one place and 2 inches everywhere else). My options according to one where, wait for a hernia to happen at my weakest point and have just that point repaired, or have a tummy tuck and have all of my abs stitched back together.  This was also really the only way to repair my abs giving me core strength to then lift and strengthen my pelvic floor down the road.  This sounded pretty good to me.  I've birthed 5 babies and my bladder can tell the tale.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?  

Before:

Two weeks after:

So it's been a few weeks and here are my takeaways.  I needed help doing everything for the first three days.  By the fourth day, I could get myself up and down from my recliner alone if I had to but help was better.  Recliners are the best for recovering.  Will set up a tv and trays so I didn't have to reach far for entertainment or food.  The pain was so manageable!  I really wasn't in pain (unless I coughed or threw up) it was discomfort more than anything.  I felt achy but not in major pain.  Honestly, it felt like nursing, like my boobies were super full and if I could just nurse a baby it would be fine.  Also, my tummy felt fine, again achy but not painful.  I asked my doctor about it at my one-week checkup and he complimented my health going into the surgery and his care in the process.  I had spent the last year diligently working out and the last two months eating as healthy as I could.  So far, I'm happy I did it.  My jury will really be out for a whole year before I can return to full activity and see how I can fully strengthen my abs and get my core back to full strength.  Time will really tell but so far, so good!    

So...judge me if you must.  I am really happy about it and I feel good too.  

Small world story...

I was out for a walk this morning and Will called with the following crazy story:

He was in a business meeting in a small town in Connecticut.   One of the other guys from the sales partner in Connecticut said he grew up in rural Montana.  The meeting was coming to a close to Will pressed asking where in Montana?  The other guy said "Medicine Lake".  After a little more back and forth on the years Andy was there everything clicked for Will and he said "Andy from Medicine Lake?!  You were my best friend!"  Andy was equally shocked and realized calling out "Will?  You taught me how to ride a bike!"  The other guys in the meeting thought it was a prank.  Will and Andy went on to describe how they knew each other and how devastated Will was when his family had to move away from Medicine Lake.  Thankfully, Andy remembered to get a picture!  So unbelievable.

I've heard the stories of Will and Andy in Medicine Lake.  Will was in Kindergarten and Andy was his best friend.  Will bent the training wheels up on Andy's bike to teach him how to ride without training wheels.  I also heard the stories of sorrow Will felt at being forced to move away from his best friend to Colstrip.  Of course, they never heard from each other again.  They were little kids and didn't even know each other's last names so Facebook was no good as adults.  It was too bizarre to have the guys find each other in a sales partner meeting in Connecticut! 

Birthday Kids...

Happy birthday to you!  Lorien is 18 and Wyatt is 16!  Earlier this week, Will went down to LA for work.  I packed his carry on with Lorien's wrapped presents.  He took Lorien out to eat and they hiked to the Hollywood sign.  Will knew just how to plan and execute a perfect 18th birthday celebration for Lorien.  

Lorien's roommates came in at midnight with a cupcake and candles to sing Happy Birthday to her.  I am so glad she has lovely roommates. 

Wyatt got a little bit shorter stick.  He got to go out for pho for his birthday dinner and pies for his cake.  I was recovering from surgery so not a lot of Mom love could happen.  I did get his presents and Will did his best to make Wyatt's family time good.