I can't explain it...but I'll try...

This morning as we sat in our pew at church I watched a woman walk in with the most adorable baby.  I could tell right away, this baby was something special.  I suspected he had Down Syndrome but I couldn't be sure.  When I got a better glimpse of him I knew for sure...I also knew I had to hold that baby.

Sacrament meeting ended and I went to Relief Society to help set up and get ready for that meeting (I am in the Relief Society Presidency right now).  While I was setting up a little feeling told me that Lorien was hiding in the bathroom and I needed to go get her out.  I walked into the bathroom and there was my friend, Beth, holding this perfect baby.  I stopped dead in my tracks and said "I'm going to need to hold that baby, like right now."  Beth obliged and handed this perfect little lump of love over to me.  As soon as his little baby body touched mine my face crumpled and I burst into tears.  I can't explain it.  Yes, I can.  He felt just like my brother, Oliver, as a baby.  Just like him.  In addition to that memory, I knew what this baby's family was in for.  I knew how much pure love and joy was wrapped up in this sweet baby.  I knew how their family would learn to love and grow because of this baby.  I knew there would be sad, hard days but most days (like 99 %) would be the most joyful, fun, love-filled days imaginable.  I just stood there and cried and cried.  Poor Beth narrated the whole scene for the baby's mother (Beth's sister who was using the bathroom).  I'm sure I made a fool of myself but I couldn't help it.  I finally explained that I had come to the bathroom to find Lorien.  I shouted "Lorien, are you in here!"  Which she answered yes to.  I told her to get out here and see this perfect baby.  She couldn't understand why I was crying or so ga-ga over this baby.  He seemed like a regular adorable baby to her!  Turns out my little feeling was right about Lorien being in the bathroom but it was also trying to give me an opportunity to hold this baby!

After church, I had to track the baby down again and ask for a picture.  Once I was composed I took the chance to tell sweet his Mom why I was crying earlier and how lucky I thought she was to get to be the mom to this sweet guy.  I also asked for a picture so I could show my mom.  I don't know how creepy that was...OK, I know it was super creepy.  Still, she said yes and I got to hold that perfect baby one more time.  It was heaven.

And now a word about my brother, Oliver.

I was seven (turning eight) years old when Oliver was born.  I remember my mom being pregnant and I remember her going to the hospital.  My next memory is of my Dad calling home to talk to each one of us.  He told us the baby had been born, was a boy, but had some problems.  Mom and the baby wouldn't be coming home for a while.  I remember my Dad saying the baby had Down Syndrome.  I'm embarrassed to say all this but it is what happened.  The next words out of my mouth were, "You mean he is retarded?"  My Dad reiterated that the new baby had Down Syndrome and wouldn't be able to come home for a while.  Stunned, I handed the phone over to the next sibling.  I walked through the house to the back stairs.  I sat on the stairs and cried.  I cried because I was ashamed.  I was not a nice kid to the special needs kids at my school.  In fact, I took a fair amount of delight in torturing one girl in my grade named Misty.  I cried and cried, not because I felt bad for what I had done to Misty--but because I thought the other kids at school would find out I had a special needs brother and would think I was "special" too.  I was full of dread and shame.

A day or two later, we all got to go to the hospital to meet Oliver.  I had to put on a hospital gown over my clothes and wash my hands up to my elbows.  I was taken into Oliver's hospital room.  There in a metal crib as high up as my chest, I saw Oliver.  His body was tiny and covered with tubes and wires.  He had IVs in his limbs and a tube in his nose.  He looked helpless and broken.  I stood there stunned, in love, and newly ashamed.  I couldn't believe I had ever thought anything unkind about this baby.  My heart broke for the pain and difficulties his life had been so far and would be in the near future.  Another feeling of shame swept over me, this time for the cruel way I had treated special needs kids at school.  I determined then and there to always stick up for those kids and to be their friend.  It is a moment I'll never forget.

Oliver had to spend the first full year of his life in the hospital.  He had holes in his heart that required open-heart surgery to repair.  His lungs couldn't breathe for him.  He couldn't suck or swallow.  He struggled.  When Oliver came home our family life changed in a major way.  It was such a blessing to have this person who was nothing but love in our home.  He was silent and sweet.  He loved to snuggle and cuddle.  He smiled easily and charmed us all.  Doctors gave him about four years to live.  We loved on that kid every second of every day.  He grew and grew.  He is 30 now!

It is honestly difficult to fully explain what a blessing it is to have someone with Down Syndrome in your family.  I am so thankful Oliver is my baby brother.

One more note on Oliver.  In our family, everyone has a lovey (a special item for comfort and soothing).  I still have my baby blankets from my baby days...and I still sleep with them every night.  Now Oliver is one of us, through and through but because he has an extra chromosome he does things a little differently.  The lovey is the perfect example.  While the rest of us found a blanket or stuffed animal for soothing, Oliver found an old winter boot.  That's right, his little Down Syndrome heart could only be comforted by rubbing the silky exterior lining of a boot!  Wild, but true.  I laugh every time I think of it.  Oliver also had a couple of satin ribbons from the edge of blankets but his tried and true favorite was the boot.  I wish I had a picture of it.  One of his nurses misplaced it one year when Oliver was participating in Special Olympics.  Now Oliver is a little older and a little more particular.  He doesn't have a special lovey but he cares deeply about the type of fabric his clothes (down to his underwear) are made of.  He also is particular about who touches his stuff.  We sure love this guy and love the unique way he partakes of the world.

This is a picture of me and Oliver in the hospital.  I don't think it was the first time we met but it was taken in the first few months of his life.  This is very much the scene of our first meeting. 

Trek...again...

Every four years, our church makes it's youth dress up in old-timey clothes and wander the woods for a few days pulling hand carts.  They do it to have the kids experience a fraction of what pioneers experienced a hundred and a half years ago.  You see, pioneers are a big part of our religion.  To find a safe place to practice their religion, our pioneer ancestors fled West to the Utah territories.  The stores of these pioneers are amazing and heartbreaking.  Four years ago, Lorien got to go on Trek.   Now it was Wyatt's turn!

A week before Trek some of Clare's friends who were on the edge of the age cut off decided they were going to go on Trek too.  So Clare got the opportunity to go early and we sent her.  Actually, Lorien got to go a year early too because of our decision to homeschool and bump her up a year.  I guess we like to send our girls off on Trek when they are young. 

We packed their buckets and sent them off with Dave and Angela (who were going as a Ma and Pa for a Trek family) to wander the woods for the week.  We didn't hear from them at all but prayed they were safe and that they might be having fun.  It was hot, hot, HOT in Danville last week and I worried a lot about my kids (where ever they were).  Turns out they were up in the Sierra Nevadas and it was a good 25-30 degrees cooler.  Whew!

Clare loved her Trek family, it was made up of about 70% of Wyatt's friends.  Wyatt didn't love his Trek family as much.  He still had a good time and they both came back with stories to tell.  Wyatt's most memorable story: winning the cow patty throwing competition.  Clare's most memorable story: the women's pull day. 

They came home filthy but smiling.  We were glad to have them back! 

This is the second time I've sent kids on Trek and my feelings have been the same.  As Trek time approaches, I do not like Trek.  I find the idea sacrilegious almost.  I feel like my religious culture has a habit of over edifying casual things and treating casual holy things.  Ask me about it in person sometime, I have a soapbox.  Anyway, I feel like our pioneer ancestors are rolling in their graves over these kids pretending to do this impossible thing in an era far removed from the actual dangers the pioneers lived in.  It feels troublesome and worrying to me.  Then my kids go on Trek and come back with amazing stories and experiences and I am grateful for Trek.  For the very least that they were off screens and phones for the whole week doing something hard.  Someday I'll catch the Trek spirit before my kids leave for Trek...someday.

PS Some of Lorien's experiences: the women's pull and winning a two-lips kissing game against Jaren Garff.  She also had a different walking/hiking experience from Wyatt and Clare.  Lorien walked for a total of fewer than 20 miles the whole week.  Wyatt and Clare walked nearly 20 miles every day!  Lorien's group would walk for a little bit and meet a group doing a reenactment, walk for a little bit and have a snack, walk for a little bit and meet another reenactment, break for a meal, etc.  Wyatt and Clare just walked, and walked, and walked...forever!

Oh Swim Team...

This was Adell's second season of swim team and Colter's first season!  I cannot believe how much both of them improved in the pool.  Colter can swim but he is still not very confident.  Adell slips through the water easily and quickly.  I'm so glad they both have done swim team.  When we moved over to the East Bay (eight years ago!) I knew swim team was HUGE out here.  I had zero interest in spending my summer at the pool with toddlers and babies in tow without being able to take them swimming at the same time.  Lucky for me, none of the big kids had any interest in trying swim team either, win-win!  

Adell, on the other hand, has always loved the water and been a natural in it.  Last year it was a no brainer to put her on swim team.  She did really well (despite her nerves).

This year, I decided Colter could try it too.  He had more nerves than Adell did but stuck it out like a champ.  Both kids improved over the season and I am so proud of them!

First meet/time trials, Colter grabbed the lane line every few feet.

Adell was comfortable and on her game:

Meets midseason Colter grabbed the lane line less but his dive form could use some work:

He also gained confidence in his backstroke and started swimming back at meets.

Adell steadily improved and enjoyed spending time with friends.

We had a great group of family friends on our swim team this year.  We tried to pot luck at most meets even though between all of us we had kids in each age group and none of us could sit down at the same time. 

VSA is the last meet of the season.  All the teams in the league swim over Saturday and Sunday.  It is big, noisy, crowded, hot, and fun?

Colter showed us the posters he decorated at the last swim team practice. 

Both kids improved (popped) their times in both of the strokes they swam.  They had an excellent season!

VIP

I'm still loving life with a life coach.  In July there was a special event for members who had been in the program for 6 months or more.  We got to attend a free day long event.  One of my good friends (the one who told me about this life coaching thing) was going too.  We went together and shared a room.  

Someone named Allison from The Allison Show was the keynote speaker.  I don't know who she is but she was a ton of fun to listen to.  We chatted for a few seconds in the hall, I had to ask about her rainbow dress.  She was a ton of fun in a casual conversation too!

The weather was lovely, the venue was lovely, the company was lovely. 

I got to meet up with some of my Be Bold Masters classmates.  It was awesome seeing them again too!

And we snapped a picture with Mrs. Jody Moore herself.  Do yourself a favor and listen to her podcasts: Better Than Happy.

Some July Things...

SUMMER IS SPEEDING BY!  The kids go back to school August 13th, there just isn't enough time in the summer.  Sigh.

At the start of the Summer, Will helped each kid set a Summer goal.  Upon completion, he took them on a special outing.  Colter finished his goal first (reading 10 books and answering a question page about each book).  Will took Colter to see the Monster Trucks!  The guys usually go in February or April in our neck of the woods but this year the Monster Truck Rally came and went before Will could get tickets.  So, Will got tickets to the show in Southern California.  As plans were being made for the trip, Colter insisted that it wouldn't be a Monster Truck Rally without Wyatt coming along.  He was really sweet about it.  Even though it wasn't part of Wyatt's goal/reward, Wyatt got to go south with the guys and spend the day busting his eardrums to the sound of engine roars.  

They were close enough to the action to get dirt from the tires flung in their faces.  Exciting!

Lorien and I drove into San Francisco one night to watch her friend, Erik, perform in an all-ages Drag show.  Erik has a Drag Queen persona named Creme Brule Queen.  He makes his costumes, does his makeup, cuts and colors his wigs, and puts together his own routine as his Drag character.  It is quite the transformation!  He has attended every high school formal dance as Creme Brule for the last three years.  This was his first time performing in a Drag show in San Francisco!

It was wild!  We had a blast cheering Creme Brule on.  I left Lorien at the table with her friends and went to sit with my friend (Erik's mom) for most of the show.  I've never been to a Drag Show.  It was wild I tell you, wild. 

We've had loads of playdates with friends.  Some of our best friends are a family of daughters.  When they come over it is an afternoon of imagination and fun!  Colter and Alicia usually build forts with stuffed animals.  Adell and Maggie usually craft or have a tea party.  On this day, Adell and Maggie made a carnival for Colter and Alicia.  They made games for the kids to earn tickets.  Then they could turn the tickets in for rocks and a certain number of rocks got you a prize.  It was so creative and fun!  The kids played carnival all afternoon.

Clare celebrated one of her very best friend's birthday.

Ohhhhh, the number one item on my projects list for this summer was to clean out and organize the girl's room.  They have so much literal garbage in there!  We finally spent the day hauling every single thing (except their beds and dresser) out of the room, sorting, organizing, tossing, cleaning, and replacing what was wanted.  It was a whole day project but worth every minute of time.  The before and after pictures speak for themselves.

Closets BEFORE:

Closets AFTER:

Adell's bed BEFORE:

Adell's Bed AFTER:

Clare's Bed BEFORE:

Clare's Bed AFTER:

Colter's business stayed the same.  He sleeps in the girl's room but all of his stuff is still in Wyatt's room.  We can fit three kids in a room but not three kids and three kid's stuff. 

Here's a fun adventure!  While Will and I were in Vegas in June (on the 13th to be exact), Lorien drove dance carpool for me.  Traffic was terrible so google maps had routed her a back way to avoid some of the freeway traffic.  The road was windy and narrow.  Misjudging the width and location of a certain telephone pole, Lorien smashed the passenger's side mirror off the van.  She proceeded to spread the smashed mirror down the side of the van like jelly.  Woof.  A few inches further and it would have been a different story for a lot of kids.  New drivers get in accidents and this was Lorien's first.  Not too bad. 

A couple of weeks later, Wyatt got his permit.  Oy, I am not ready to teach another kid how to drive.  It is madness and way harder than potty training.  Wyatt couldn't practice driving for almost a month while the van was in the shop.  We had a rental, he couldn't drive that and we weren't great at remembering to have him practice in Will's car.  So, once we got the van back (mid-July) Wyatt has been able to practice driving! 

Wyatt and his friend, Adam, inherited a window washing gig from Adam's older brother and his friend when they left on their missions.  I got to be one of their "test" houses.  They are up and running for business!  They do a fantastic job and I love being able to see out crystal clean windows every day.