Memorial Day Memories...

Last summer when I was out visiting my Mom, I met a friend of hers from church, Brother Farrini.  We talked and he told me his father was killed in WWII and buried in the memorial cemetery in San Bruno.  I told him I had been to that cemetery and would go again and try to find his father's stone.

It took almost a whole year, but we finally did it this Memorial Day.  Finding the stone ended up being a good story.  We drove into the cemetery and it was pretty busy with people and cars.  We lucked into a parking spot near the center of the cemetery.  However, we had no idea how we would find Brother Farrini's father's stone.  Will found a list online with a number and letter marker.  That was a big help but we didn't have any idea how the cemetery was laid out.  So we just started walking into the cemetery from our parking spot.  When we checked the first two stones, they had a letter C.  The Farrini stone was in the C section!  Everyone started walking out checking numbers, the numbers weren't always in order.  A minute later Lorien called out that she had found the stone!  It was awesome!

From our random parking spot we were the closest we could have been to the right spot!  You can see how big this cemetery is!  It would have been very needle and haystacky.  We were directed to the right place.  It was awesome.

After visiting the grave site we went to Beep's Burgers for our holiday cook out.  It was a great day!

Back to normal life?

When I was back in Idaho for the second time, I was struck with the sadness.  Being back at home had given me space to think about other things.  In Idaho, I could only think about Kayla and our loss of her.  It was heavy and hard and sad.  My oldest brother, Chris, and his wife, Annette, had been in Idaho the whole time.  When I saw them, they were thinner and drawn down.  I could see how being so near the sorrow had effected them physically and mentally.  It was sad.

We did our best to watch the boys and give Caleb and Shellie time to be at the river.  But I was glad to get home and have more time to do regular life.  They still have not found Kayla.  The water is very cold and high.  It is hard.

Coming home after this past weekend I enjoyed focusing on my family.  Colter got to celebrate his birthday at school in the classroom.

Wyatt won an award in middle school for excellence in his computer class.  A few days before the awards banquet night we got an email from the school basically saying: "You haven't RSVP'd to our awards night.  Your kid really is winning an award.  Please show up, with your kid."  So we went!  It was nice to see Wyatt recognized for his hard work at school.  He is a bright kid and a fun kid.  We like him.

May 25th was Adell's half birthday!  She picked no bake cookies for her treat.  That was lucky because I hadn't been to the store in weeks...  Happy half Adell!

Sunday, while we still had limited groceries, I gave homemade soft pretzels a try.  They were SO DELICIOUS! 

May 19th...

We started the day very early with Adell's swim team time trials.  Each kid has to swim each swim stroke to get their base time for the rest of the season.  The goal is to beat your own time at every meet after the time trials...so you're racing yourself!  Adell did a great job!  I could only stay for the first two thirds of her time trials.  I had to take an Uber to the airport to head back to Idaho to help out there a little bit.

May 19th is, of course, Colter's birthday!  He is six!  So grown up and so awesome.

Will gave Colter a great day.  They went bowling and had the family party. 

Will facetimed me for the present opening, which was adorable because Colter got the Millennium Falcon Lego kit he was hoping for. 

Meanwhile in Idaho, the weather continues to be crazy.  We've had thunderstorms and hail again.  Some of the family has been up at the falls searching for Kayla.  Jennifer and I have stayed back in Pocatello and watched the three little boys.

Little Sam wanted to have green hair.  Mom and Dad said yes so we dyed his hair in the hotel room after swimming.  It took two batches of dye but we got his hair good and green!  He was happy (and cute).

Yearly May-hem...

Of course, a family tragedy did not stop the end-of-the-year nonsense that happens every year.  Will and I came home from Idaho on a Monday and dove straight into life.  Concerts, projects, tests and events of every description ruled our days.  It was nice to be so busy we couldn't focus on sadness for a bit.  

Lorien had her final concert as a Junior in High School.  She played well...as near as I could tell.  She forgot about the concert until 10 minutes after she was supposed to be there.  So I ended up leaving the kids home eating dinner (prepared and dropped off by a friend) and running up to the high school.  Will met me there just in time for the orchestra performance.  Did I mention that friends from church brought our family dinner every night of this crazy week?  I don't know how they did it but I am so grateful.

Thursday was back to school night.  We have made the decision to have Colter repeat Kindergarten next year.  It was such a hard choice!  We want him to have the best chance at success for all of his years in school.  He is just behind at every bench mark.  He is young and we think the extra year will serve him well in later years.  We haven't told Colter or the other kids yet...but need to soon.  As we toured Colter's class we were pleased with his work but his immaturity was noticeable when we compared his work with the other kids. 

Colter's current Kindergarten teacher (Barb Erickson) is retiring this year.  She was a fantastic teacher for Colter and Adell.  We will be sad to not see her next year. 

Adell showed us her 2nd grade class room and her work.  It was all wonderful!  She has had a pretty OK year.  She has been on the fringe of some girl drama in her class.  Never the cause or recipient of the drama but close to some of the girls in that position.  It has been trying for Adell.  She just wants to be with her best friend, Maggie.  She also has had to deal with some annoying boys in her classroom.  One positive moment came when the kids had to be in pairs with someone they didn't know.  They had to ask each other "getting to know you" questions.  Adell got paired up with a boy she had always found annoying.  However, the more they talked the more they found they had in common.  Adell also found out the boy was funny and nice.  It was a good experience for her and the two ended up being good friends.  Winning!  Hopefully, 3rd grade will have more wins and less drama. 

We also saw Adell's anxiety give her trouble.  As long as she has been in school she has had anxiety.  It started in TK when we would be rushing to get her over to John Baldwin on time.  I would be freaking out and she would react to my freak out by freaking out too.  She hated being late and hated being rushed.  She would melt into a pile of tears if we pulled up to school and I was frazzled.  I tried to cool it but it was hard...we were always late.

This stuff continued to show up off an on all through out her school years.  This year Adell had a few morning melt downs.  Even though she was on time for school every. single. day (thanks to Colter's 8:20 start time and her 8:30...Colter was frequently late).  Adell would freak out about something we were discussing on the way into school: if she should take dance or not, if Colter got to ask more questions, if she didn't get a turn on my phone, all kinds of things would set off tears and anxious feelings.  I don't know what to do about it...but I know I need to help her figure it out. 

In this week, this wild, busy, crazy week...in this week, Colter turned six!  I remember being due on the day of open house six years ago.  I remember hoping we would miss our very first open house at the kids new school because I was in labor.  But no, I walked (waddled) around THREE elementary school classrooms as big as a house wishing I was in labor.  Alas, a few days later, I was in labor and Colter was born on May 19th.  I knew he would have a birthday at a very tricky/busy time of the year for the rest of his life.  Sigh.  So Colter's birthday was on a Saturday this year.  I had done little planning or prepping.  He was also supposed to have a friend party this year.  With Kayla's disappearance the extras in life were falling off my plate.

Remember how all of my friends were helping me with meals and watching my kids and doing my whole life while I tried to help my family through Kayla's death?  Well, another friend stepped in and did another spectacular thing.  She threw Colter a birthday party!  It was amazing!  It was perfect!  It was everything I needed done for me! 

She invited all of his church friends, she made a cake, she made and decorated with the Lego theme, she planned games, she did it all! 

I was so overwhelmed and thankful, I had to cry and pray in my car for a few minutes after I dropped Colter off for the party.  I didn't tell him about it because I wasn't sure what might happen on my end to cancel the party.  So the afternoon of the party I told Colter we had to run an errand over to Sister Maher's house.  When we got there the door was decorated like a Lego.  Colter walked in curiously and I announced "It's your birthday party!  All of your friends are here to party with you!"  He was surprised and cautious.  He is afraid of dogs and the thought the Mahers might have a dog hiding somewhere.  Once he figured out there wasn't a dog around he ran off to play with his friends. 

It really was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.  It was so perfect.  Colter got a friend birthday part!  A million thanks to Ellie Maher.  I should note that Ellie is the Primary President but she did this as a friend and as the wife of our Home Teacher at church.  Its not a thing everyone does...

The Sorrows of May...

Oh goodness.  I've been wanting to write this post and avoiding it for months now (it is actually the end of July as I type).  I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to start telling this story...how to add all of the details I want to remember and forget.  It is hard.  It is hard because it is so, so, so sad.  

May started off as April ended for our family.  Too much crap going on and not enough time to do all the crap.  School projects and concerts were in full swing.  Lorien took the ACT, the CoGAT (state testing), AP test and had finals all in a matter of four weeks.  It was wild.  In the middle of these stressful-activity-packed weeks our community suffered a tragedy.  Wednesday the 8th, Lorien texted me as I was supposed to be leaving to pick her up from school.  She said she was about to leave her classroom for the day and the school was suddenly put in lock down.  We texted back and fort and it came out that a Freshman boy had been found, drowned in the school pool.  It was heart wrenching.  

May 8th is also Lorien and Wyatt's 1/2 birthday.  We talked about the sorrows of the day, had some busy activities and I made caramelitas for their treat.  It was hard, sad and weird.  To top off this sad, weirdness my family happened to be experiencing some trials and drama too.  My mother had finally had shoulder surgery for a rotator cuff she injured in February.  She had not taken the surgery well, at least not the immediate recovery part.  She was very sick and laid very low.  My sister, Lesley, was taking care of my mother and brother at her house.  Lesley also had her own family to take care of.  She needed more help so we arranged for Camie to take some unpaid time off work to help out.  On top of that, my brother, Charlie, was acting strange.  He had told us all he had stage four cancer back in March and only had six months to live.  In the last few days he told us he had been upgraded to a stage two (with no medical intervention).  Another brother was very suspicious and it caused a lot of family DRAMA!

Thursday mid-morning Lorien texted me asking if she could leave school early.  I agreed to pick her up.  Before I left my sweet Visiting Teacher, Kelley, stopped by to drop off a treat and say hi.  I got to tell her a bit about my family drama and tell her I didn't know how things would turn out.  

I pulled into the high school a little early for picking Lorien up.  I pulled into a parking space right in front of the pool where the boy was found drowned yesterday.  The gate to the pool was plastered with signs, notes, flowers and other memorabilia marking this boy's passing.  It was hard to sit there while I waited.

A few minutes into the wait I got a call from one of my older brothers, Caleb.  When I saw his caller ID I thought he wanted to talk about my other brother's cancer situation.  Caleb works at a hospital and had asked Charlie to forward his medical records so Caleb could have a doctor friend give a second opinion.

When I answered the phone and heard Caleb's voice, I knew something was wildly wrong.  Through shaky tears he told me his oldest daughter, Kayla, my niece had fallen in the Snake River the night before and they could not find her body.

I don't think I am going to be able to describe the awful rush of emotions I felt right then.  Last summer Will's family had a death of a toddler in the extended family of an in-law.  When Will told me the news I remember yelling "no" and falling to the ground.  The emotion was powerful and physical.  This felt very similar.  I kept on crying out "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.  I'll be right there.  I'll be right there." and a lot of "no, no, no".  I was choking and sobbing as Lorien climbed into the van from her class.

I choked out the story.  I couldn't talk, I couldn't drive, I couldn't anything.  I started driving through my tears with Lorien rubbing my back and silently crying beside me.  It is hard to be so sad and know your child is just as sad but to be completely unable to comfort your child.  I don't think it is good for a kid to see their parents in their rawest moment of grief.  I imagine it is a very out-of-control feeling. As I drove a thought came to my mind of my Visiting Teacher and how inspired her little visit had been.  She knew my family was going through some weirdness just from our few minutes chat.  I had Lorien call her and through tears told her I needed help. 

What a Super Hero my Visiting Teacher is...what an angel.  She drove straight over to my house and met me and Lorien in the driveway...which was really good because I couldn't walk, talk or see.  She helped me into the house and sat on the couch while I sobbed out the story again.  She was right there, comforting me and telling me she would handle everything.  I went upstairs to call Will and other siblings and make plans to head to Idaho. 

Kelley stayed with Lorien.  When I came down she took a list about a mile long of all the crap I had to do for my kids that day.  She said she would handle everything (and she did).  Will rushed home and we left for the airport, shaken, heartbroken, stunned.  It was awful.

At the airport we picked up a car my brother, Chris, had left there and drove straight up to Pocatello, Idaho.  The weather was weird and as tumultuous as our feelings.  Big claps of thunder and lightening tipped across the sky.  We arrived at a hotel to find Chris and Annette, their married children and Adam (another nephew).  We talked a bit and all went to bed.

The next morning Jennifer, who had been staying with Caleb's family, brought the boys over to the hotel to swim and be distracted.

I could recount a moment by moment list of our actions that weekend..but I don't think it will really provide any insight into what it was like.  Caleb and Shellie insisted on being up at the river to walk and watch for Kayla's body.  Search and rescue professionals told us it would be 5-10 days before biology took its course and her body was able to float again.  Chris and Will found a way to get a jet boat and a high tech sonar (fish finder) to search for Kayla.  I spent the days with Caleb and Shellie's little boys and Will spend the days on the river with Caleb.

While I was away my friends and family stepped up in the most marvelous way.  My Visiting Teacher ran my kids all over town.  My friends took the kids for play dates.  A couple of Kindergarten moms recorded Colter in his class plays for me.  My brother and sister-in-law took the kids for dinner and slept at our house at night.  While I was away caring for others, others cared for me.  I constantly felt the blessings of this kinship we share as disciples of Christ.  I felt my burdens lifted and shared by those to who love me and my kids.  It gave me chills then...and now. 

After four days Will and I had to go back home.  Shellie's Mother and sisters arrived from the east coast and we headed back home.

Also, the weather continued to be wild.  We had several hail storms and lots of thunder.  At one point gigantic marble sized hail was pelting us from above, jamming the windshield wipers and covering the streets.  It was W-I-L-D.

Oh!  Mother's day!  It was sad to be gone for Mother's day.  It was hard to not be with my kids and to be with kids who were hurting with the loss of their big sister.  It was sad to think about Caleb and Shellie and how much they must be hurting.  The kids went to church and Lorien, overwhelmed with being without her parents and she sorrow of the loss in our family went out to the van to have a cry.  Ben Smith saw her upset and went to get his wife, Ann.  Ann came and comforted Lorien for a while.  Then Rachel Bertha came out and comforted Lorien.  They each slipped back into Relief Society (where a Mother's day relax and eat event was happening) and brought Lorien back some treats and Diet Coke.  Through little tears she told me "I guess Relief Society is a pretty great organization Mom."  I have to agree...except, I know it is.

There is more to write and say...but I'll leave this here for now.  It was a hard, sad batch of days.  I know we wouldn't have made it through without the support of our family and friends.  We weren't even the ones closest to the sorrow and we were so lifted and cared for.  It gives me chills today to think back on it...and makes me pour out my heart to God with gratitude.